Shaquille O’Neal announced his new brand of Vodka “Luv Shaq” Vodka” today and the sad thing is it’s not the worst pro athlete endorsed product we’ve ever seen.
Muhammad Ali Roach Traps – I don’t know about you, but when I think of roach traps, I think of Muhammad Ali.
Manny Paquiao Vinegar & Soy Sauce – And if Manny plays his cards right, he could have a Nyquil endorsement deal by the end of the week.
Lamar Odom’s Unbreakable – I have two words for you… “unisex fragrance” and that’s all you need to say about this one.
David Beckham’s Omega-3 Fish Fingers – I don’t think David wants to know what Urban Dictionary’s definiton of fish fingers is.
Manny Ramirez For Sum Poosie Energy Drink – Female hormones clearly have a serious effect on the male mind.
Vince Young’s Smoked Sausage, Brisket & Ribs – Vince didn’t want Earl Campbell to be the only butt of pro athlete sausage sponsorship jokes.
Hulk Hogan’s Pastamania & Hulkster Cheeseburgers – The world would’ve been a better place with Andre The Giant peanuts and the Andre The Giant 69 oz. burger from Carl’s Jr. Instead we got bombarded by Hulk Hogan cuisine.
Shaquille O’Neal’s “Luv Shaq” Vodka – Shaq is channeling his inner-B-52’s to bring us his own brand of vodka and one has to wonder how Shaq could miss the obviously awesome name “Shaqka.”
Refrigerator Perry’s “Monster-Sized Fish Fillets” – I don’t know about you, but I always thought of The Fridge as more of a meat and potatoes kind of guy.
Big Ben’s Beef Jerky – It’s guaranteed to make you scramble to the bathroom where you’re sure to have a lot of bowel pump fakes.
The Ray Lewis Snuggie – If you’re going to do something this stupid at least give it a better name like the “Ruggie.”
Tom Brady For Uggs – Luckily for Tom there was the Brad Pitt’s Chanel #5 commercial this year to distract us from the most feminine pro athlete endorsement deal of all time.
Rick Flair Home Finance – Because when you’re making the biggest financial decision of your life, you want the expertise and piece of mind that comes with a pro wrestler.
Jake Delhomme & Steve Smith For Bojangles Fried Chicken – Bojangles gets some credit for the Dukes of Hazzard theme of the campaign but the rest of it makes absolutely no sense… unless you live in North Carolina.
Gronk Flakes – Kinda sounds like your buying a box of Rob Gronkowski’s skin flakes if you ask me and his management team really should be working with video games companies to make “Rob Gronkowski’s Dance Dance Revolution” a reality.
Jaromi Jagr Peanut Butter – Nothing goes better with a hockey game then a great big spoonful of peanut butter, especially if you’re home alone with your dog. Wait, did I just write that out loud?
Carson Palmer Hot Dogs – Might as well do Carson Palmer condoms while they’re at it, especially with that tagline.
Michael Jordan Cologne – It truly is considered one of the greatest athlete endorsement bombs ever because… well, because it smelled like death.
Serena Williams For Tampax – Female athletes should never do feminine hygiene product endorsements… period.
Rafael Palmeiro For Viagra – How do you ruin a Hall of Fame career overnight? Lie to congress and admit to the world you have erection problems.
Joe Namath For Beautymist Pantyhose – Back in the day, Joe Namath could get away with just about anything… except for this commercial.
The Michael Jordan Slam Bowling Ball – The Dude and Walter Sobchak would most definitely mark it zero on this nonsensical endorsement.
Chad Johnson’s Ochocinco’s Cereal – Only Chad Johnson could release a cereal that accidentally included a phone number to a sex line.
Jimmy Johnson For Extenze – It takes a big… or is it small man to do this type of endorsement deal and Jimmy clearly has no problem admitting he has a small Johnson.
Joe Dimmagio For Mr. Coffee – Back then the Yankee Clipper should’ve only endorsed things like expensive watches, the Chrysler New Yorker with Ricardo Montalban and the Tele Savalas Player’s Club card. A man who was married to Marilyn Monroe should never have to endorse Mr. Coffee.
Terry Bradshaw For Qaylar Hair Loss – The score is now Baldness 12 – Bradshaw 0 and the answer to your question is “yes.” Qaylar Hair Tonic no longer exists.
Brett “The Diesel” Keisel’s Salsa – It scores solid points for the craptastic packaging and if it actually said “Geronimo Mother F*cka” at the top I might actually consider buying it, but I want no part of salsa’s made by white dudes from Utah.
Justin Verlander’s Fastball Flakes – Sure you’re probably going to throw a colon fastball after earting them, but even as a diehard Tigers fan I find nothing appetizing about this cereal. I am, however, all for some Kate Upton O’s.
The Kobe Bryant Hooters Bobble Head Doll – There is a new Hooters in downtown Los Angeles next to the Stapeles Center and it apparently employs girls who didn’t make the Laker Girls cut. So Kobe’s got that going for him… which is nice.